Reflections on a Hard Path

The story of Malinalli—known to history as La Malinche—is often reduced to a binary of betrayal or survival, yet her journey from a noble Nahua home to the center of the Spanish Conquest defies simple categorization. Malinalli was born to a wealthy Nahuatal family near Coatzacoalcos in the Gulf Coast region of Mexico. She was well educated and could speak both Nahuatl (the language of the Aztecs) and Chontal Maya. After her father died and her mother remarried, she was sold to traders to ensure her half-brother would inherit the family's lordship and property.

When Hernan Cortes led the Spaniards into Mexico, he is purported to have said “I and my companions know a sickness of the heart which can only be cured by gold.” Their desire for gold led to much bloodshed. After the Battle of Centla (aka the Battle of Tabasco) in 1519, the Maya gave the Spaniards a peace offering of 20 young indigenous women. Malinalli was one of these women who were distributed among the foreign conquerors. She was between 14 and 19 years old. Cortez soon learned of Malinalli's gift for language and made her his consort and interpreter. Her skills enabled Cortez to negotiate with leaders of several indigenous tribes.

In 1519, Malinalli was with Cortez and his men during trade negotiations in Cholula when she learned of a conspiracy by several tribes to overcome the Spaniards. She told Cortes of the impending ambush leading to the Massacre of Cholula and the deaths of thousands of people.

The iconography in this painting offers us the opportunity to meditate upon the difficult decisions we’ve made in our lives, urging us to move past justification toward a deeper acceptance of the impact our choices leave behind..

The Key to the Iconography

Window: The frame through which others view our behavior.

Hanging Chains: The limitations our experiences create in our minds and lives.

Copil (Nahuatl headdress): The life into which we were born.

Spanish Galleon: The life we cling to for survival in response to our experiences.

Huipil (traditional indigenous blouse): The persona we wear to distract ourselves and others from discovering who we are.

Mexican Silverspot Butterfly: The essence of self that rises above our circumstances.

Heart with Hole: The emptiness of our physical form that we attempt to fill with trivial pursuits.

Double-Headed Serpent: A Mesoamerican image symbolizing the merging of earth and sky and the duality of existence.

Water: The underlying emotions motivating our behavior.

You can read my interpretation of this painting HERE.

Meditation on "Unrequited Love"

As Valentine’s Day approaches I gaze into the chained heart of this painting and ask what's locked inside. Although superficially it serves as a reminder that loving without receiving love in return is painful, it doesn't explain why the heart is locked. Why can it not receive love? I sat listening without expectation and here is what I learned.

This heart holds aspects of the self that it's owner denies – parts they are ashamed to admit exist and that make them feel unworthy of love. For how can someone love them when they cannot love themselves? Now I understand that the “unrequited” aspect in the title refers, more deeply, to a longing to be connected with oneself. This painting suggests two keys can unlock this heart. The first is for its owner to recognize that these repressed aspects of self are features, not flaws. The second is the incorporation of practices that cultivate self-love.

This has nothing to do with the stuff you hide in your bedside table. Self-love practices are often simple. You can start with basic hygiene, healthy foods, and spending time with friends. When you're ready, try looking in a mirror, gazing into your own eyes and saying “I love you” with feeling. Yeah, I know its goofy, but its a legit neuro-psych hack and over time you'll believe and feel it. I'm still working on the practice of healthy boundaries which, for me, started with telling my inner critic to f**k off. There are many other simple, helpful practices you can try. You can even mix and match them to keep it fresh.

Remember that you hold the keys to the hidden treasures in your heart. Go see what's in there. You might just fall in love.

The Key to Screw Loose ... etc.

It was not, honestly, my intent to write a story for this piece. The sketch appeared as a doodle, in June of 2022, and sat tucked in my sketchbook for years. I thought most certainly it was one of the most obvious of visual stories, with it’s circular composition and my ever present Seeker following a rather emotional pair of pants with nobody inside them. The hand, so reminiscent of Picasso’s “la Petit Fleur”; Seuss’s pants; and the Dove, my homage to my Catholic enculturation. But alas, my viewers pressed me to the task of interpretation, so I wrote a story. But remember, my interpretation is not the be-all-end-all of my visual offerings. You, my savvy reader, have a spirit within you that will guide you to interpret what I paint in a way that is most helpful for your own journey. Be still and listen for the quietest, kindest, voice inside you, for that is the one that will help you find your way. With that in mind, I present below the Key to the iconography of Screw Loose and Fancy Free - Chasing the Material World, so that you may read the painting for yourself.

The Iconography

• Bird and string – the thread to our higher consciousness is through the practice of Faith Hope and Charity.

• Three screws – Body, mind, spirit

• Running pants – the material world. Also a reference to Theodore Seuss’s What was I Scared of? a story about being afraid of the unknown. may also be interpreted as a life choice not taken because of fear inadequacies or potential outcome.

• Green eyed flower – the physically manifested Seeker, those who are looking for their life purpose

• The Seeker's Spine – the train of thought that advances and recedes our consciousness

• Gears – moving parts of the physical world

• Golden Key – astrology, through which we can learn how our character interacts with the environment

• Water – unleashed emotions which can sometimes bring us to new understandings of our self

• The Circular Picture Plane - in this story, representative of the cyclical nature of the portrayed narrative

But if you must know, my interpretation is HERE.

The Key to The Weight of Compassion

As the parent of an adult introvert with multiple health disorders, I spent years desperately trying to manage my child’s life. I bought things for him he didn’t need or want, offered advice he’d heard and dismissed before, made inane comparisons to the lifestyle of the physically-abled. Each time I saw him I asked hundreds of detailed questions about his health, using my status as mother to pry into every corner of his life, looking for the magic button to his wellness.

Then one day I realized that I didn’t want to talk to my parents, my brother, or sisters. I couldn’t bear the concern in their voices. I wanted their help, they wanted to help, I didn’t want them to worry, I wanted help to stop them from worrying, I wanted help to stop talking about being worried. It was like an emotional moebius strip! That’s when I snapped to what I was doing to my son. I was piling my worries, camouflaged as acts of kindness, onto the load of responsibilities his health demanded.

It’s not easy to break a 40 year habit of helicopter parenting, especially when your kid’s good health is a relative condition. However, I’m working to offer respectful, effective, empowering assistance at my child’s request.

This painting speaks of the burden we caregivers are capable of placing on someone who is mid-struggle. Though it was originally conceived and drawn more than thirty years ago it has a very special relevance to 2020. You’re welcome to interpret and apply it's message to your life using the key to the iconography below.

The Iconography of The Weight of Compassion

Poinsettia: good cheer, celebration and reassurance.
Sunflower: warmth, adoration, and dedicated love.
Freesia: friendship, thoughtfulness, innocence, and the ultimate flower of trust.
Hyacinth: playfulness.
Lilies: sympathy.
Giant straight pin: focused attention on a specific problem
Barbell: allows a person to lift heavier weights and make progress faster but they carry a higher risk of injury.
Roses: a pink rose conveys gratitude, appreciation, recognition.
Grapes: an opportunistic and expansive plant with thorny vines. Ancient Druids found it an inspiration for a relaxed, yet realistic mentality.

You can also visit the story this painting tells on my website HERE. The Weight of Compassion is available as a limited edition fine art giclée HERE.